you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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