but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
