how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
