I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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