I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
