we have pet lesbian snakes
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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