i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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