Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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