Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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