nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
