You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
