Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
