I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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