You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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