I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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