Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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