My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
