Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
try to milk me bitch
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