FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
