omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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