he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
false alarm, still single
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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