Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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