i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
