so explain again why im purple
no
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i've created a new STD.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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