I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
