Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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