if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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