You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
