dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
