Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize