dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
