Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
