Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
