He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
