i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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