Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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