They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Panties = found
Randomize
