Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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