I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
