Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
