dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
