Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
