God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
