Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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