So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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