Reggie can tackle my bush.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Be still, my beating vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
