i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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