Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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