I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
