omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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