uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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