I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
