Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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