There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
