my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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