Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
are you so shy because you have an std?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
