NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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