i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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