Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
