Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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