Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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