Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
