i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she told me i tasted like america
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
