My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
