i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
