once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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