i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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