you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
