why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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