Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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