Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
