She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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