he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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