You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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