You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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