Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
